SteveY's thoughts on...

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I've been mentally overwhelmed as to what to blog/write about lately. I was talking to someone yesterday whom I haven't talked to for a while who said I sounded so good and upbeat, different and together. I don't feel that way at all. I feel more confused and fragmented. That has more to do with what has been going on in the world than what is going on in Steve. My problem is motivation which I can change at any moment I choose to. The worlds problems are much more pervasive, our economic and social issues are staggering. Maybe I'm just getting tired but things just seem to be getting exponentially worse with the world each day that goes by. I'm not just talking about unemployment, inflation, gas prices, political chicanery etc. The seems to be an underlying current of social (despair, disconnect, tension?). I feel it. Do you? I've always had an innate ability (instinct?) to pick up on such things and whenever I ignored it the repercussions were staggering. I ignore at my own peril. I just can't seem to put my finger on the pulse of the exact problem. The vulnerability I've been feeling is directly connected to the things in the world I can't control. I know this sounds like a personal problem but my world has always been "shaky". I'm living less on the edge now than I ever have before. So why do I feel more vulnerable? It's got to do with whats going on in the world. Our way of life, our freedoms and way of life as I've known it is in real jeopardy. And I feel  helpless to do anything about it. I know this sounds vague at best or that I'm suffering from paranoia at worst. I assure you thats not it. I guess with my rising sense of political and social awareness my own individual beliefs are being shaken to the core. There is a saying "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything!" Which I've always been a true believer in that statement. The problem I have today is that I don't necessarily trust the ground I'm standing on. The winds of change never really bothered me before probably because they were more personal. Changes in my life I would somehow cause. Now though it seems like I'm just holding my breath waiting for the world to explode. There seems to be no solid "truths" to hold on to anymore. Like everything is relative. I can't even wrap my brain around relative to what? I really believe my country, my way of life, my security in the world is all being threatened. The world itself is being threatened. On a higher or deeper level. The point being something is inherently wrong with the world today and I DON'T LIKE IT!

Beginning Violence

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, the Judge, the 9 year old girl and all the rest are representative of the violence a lot of people, pundits, talk show hosts, economists etc. have flat out stated is coming. The violence I hear most warn against because it is exactly what certain factions need to "get to the next stage". Conspiratorial you say? Maybe, maybe not. The thing is, is the whole economic, political, social situation is a perfect storm for violence and the building of fear. America has been at this precipice before. Recent memory was all the civil rights and anti war protesting of the 60 & 70s. (Which I personally lived through). We even went over the precipice such as at Kent State and with the Weather Underground to name a couple more famous situations. The thing that shows through to me very strikingly is the top down divisiveness that is not only here but seemingly being fostered. It seems like people actually want blood! Regular, everyday people want blood and someone to blame. There are a lot of reasons for this, economic, political, idealogical and race even. Stuff I really thought we were beyond such as race and the old Socialism vs. Democracy argument. It's all being fueled through economic fear among fear in other quarters too. In either case it's FEAR that is fueling all this divisiveness. I was observing Twitter earlier and it's a good thing the Internet by it's very definition kept everyone miles apart or riots would have broken out. Martial law imposed. Essential supplies interrupted. A very good chance of general anarchy ensuing. This socially inept, militarily disgruntled, schizophrenic sick puppy Laughner probably would have surfaced no matter what the conditions of the country but the timing right now is very bad. The fear and frustration levels now are at such levels that it wouldn't take much to turn a personal tragedy such as this today into the kind of events that have toppled countries in the past. I think, "not here, the U.S. is to big and stable". A country, even our size, is only as stable as it's people and the people here and now are very, very, unstable. One look at Twitter and other Social networking sites earlier today would have shown you. It's easy to get caught up in it all. Or, lock the door and try to ignore it all. The question is how do we help? How and where do we stand and say enough is enough? Before enough is too much.

Changes/Epiphanies and Life

Changing is a never ending human phenomena. I was talking to someone today about an epiphany I had that was so profound that I couldn't explain it correctly. So much for that right? Not necessarily, Just because I couldn't articulate it doesn't make it any less of a life changing event. Or maybe one small event added with others that make it one. One in particular is balance. In trying to have balance in my life (always being distracted by circumstance) I was realizing I wasn't getting real balance because I was only trying to balance what I chose. Not the reality of what life is. Another was taking my own inventory on what I thought the necessary evils were in my life. Necessary evils are the epitome of balance! Death vs. life, love vs. hate, change vs. stagnation, liberal vs. conservative...  How I change is what defines me as a person. Do I change gracefully, forcefully, reluctantly, grudgingly...? The answers are only stepping stones to the next change with no real destination in sight except greater changes perhaps. The goal is to be the best I can be within the parameters I define for self. Even those change so...?